Sunday, September 25, 2011
I've decided that this blog can't ONLY be about my travels and my beautiful horse. Sometimes, I have other things on my mind. As the anniversary of a certain earth-shattering day in September approaches, I am once again--as always--plunged into reliving memories of what was happening each day as the end of my husband's days on earth approached. It's been seven years, but the memories (and emotions) remain as vivid as the day they happened.
The other thing I seem to do every year at this time is...clean.
Don't ask me why I clean. I haven't a clue. Except that women have always cleaned when they didn't know what else to do. We clean when we are hurting..when we're afraid...when we're grieving and when we're angry. We clean when we're excited or "getting ready for something." We clean right before we have babies. And before weddings, funerals, birthdays, holiday celebrations and the arrival of company, delivery persons and cleaning ladies.
Cleaning is therapeutic. It gives us something to do while our minds may be busy elsewhere. And it makes us feel good to get rid of dirt, dust, grime and stuff we don't really need anymore.
Which brings me to the chair.
For quite some time now, I have been aware that my old chair wasn't really doing the job I needed it to do. It only faces one direction when I need it to swivel around so I can see the view outside or the TV or visit with guests. It doesn't recline when I need to put my feet up. It doesn't rock when the child/old person in me wants to sit and rock and ponder life's many twists and turns.
Why do I keep clinging to it? Just because I bought it once and now think I'm stuck with it forever?... Oh, now I remember. It matches the sofa. And it opens up into a single bed. Which I have used twice in the ten years I've had the chair.
But I didn't really know I needed a NEW chair until I saw it in a furniture store I happened to stop at while looking for a basket to replace the dingy old basket I pitched in my fit of cleaning. The chair swiveled. It rocked. It reclined....AND it was the perfect color!
Now, I have no business buying a chair right now. Not long ago, I bought a horse. A chair is NOT in the budget. It doesn't even whinny. But there it was...singing a siren song that life is short and it's time to conquer old sorrows and renew one's commitment to living life to the fullest. Time to have a "comfort spot" where if I AM gonna cry again for crying out loud, at least I can cry in comfort, damn it!
Well. I bought the chair. It's nowhere near as exciting as sitting in my saddle on my horse. But, oh, it's so comfy! A dream chair in every way.
Moving past cleaning, I've rearranged my whole front room, tossed out a couple of old throw pillows and bought a couple new ones to pick up the color in the chair.
Now, I am finished...at least for another year.
Maybe next year I'll arrange to travel in September.
Posted by KK at 1:54 PM
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Me: Do you think you can ignore that dust devil whirling up the hill towards us?
Kanani: Um...well, maybe. Maybe not...
Me: How about if we turn our backs to it and side-pass to distract you?
Kanani: Wait. What IS that? Never saw anything like THAT before!!
Me: Now, now. I'm sure they have dust devils--okay, tornadoes--in the Netherlands...No?????
Kanani: LOOK! It's coming right at us!
Me and Kanani: Cough! Cough! Cough!...Gasp! Gasp!...Snort!...Wheeze!...Blink! Blink!
Me: Sputter, sputter...Oh, Kanani!...What a good boy you are! You stood rock still and took care of me!
Kanani: Snort!...Geez, Mom, what'd you expect?...Snort!
Me: Good boy! Good boy! Good boy!
Kanani: Enough with the "good boys." Where's my carrot?
Posted by KK at 7:52 AM
Friday, September 2, 2011
Okay, I'm getting old (a month or so shy of being 68 and my older sister is gonna be 70--yikes! How did THAT happen?). I've also gone distressingly plump. Not that I regret a single year or even a single pound. I've found joy in all of it and am blessed with many glorious memories, only a few not so good ones, and a family of which I am unabashedly proud. Every single one of my "chicks" (immediate and extended family) gives me pride, joy and reason to celebrate. They are each unique, amazing individuals--and don't even get me started on grandkids, nephews, spouses of chicks, etc.
But sometimes I do wish I were a wee bit younger, thinner, richer, healthier, etc. We all wish for certain "improvements." One of the best things about having a horse is that when you climb on top of your horse, you forget about all that...stuff.
You realize that "stuff" is all it is. Stuff and baggage. Why carry it around?
Riding a horse reminds me to live in the moment, because--by gosh--if I don't, I might fall off because I'm distracted worrying about something else!
Even worse, I might miss out on some "fun." Sheer, wonderful FUN.
Horses--dogs, cats, all animals, in fact, and children, of course--seem to have the gift of "living in the moment." I doubt they ever worry about how old or fat they're getting. They take life as it comes, right this moment, and seem to enjoy every moment that's even remotely "enjoyable."
That's my goal--to become more like my horse. To live in the moment. To let go of past hurts, present worries, any inclination to guilt I might rightfully or wrongfully possess, and all fears for the future.
NOW is all I've got. This beautiful moment full of promise, potential and the possibility of having fun!
Anyone up for a ride?
Posted by KK at 3:54 PM