Sunday, September 25, 2011

September And The Perfect Chair:

I've decided that this blog can't ONLY be about my travels and my beautiful horse. Sometimes, I have other things on my mind. As the anniversary of a certain earth-shattering day in September approaches, I am once again--as always--plunged into reliving memories of what was happening each day as the end of my husband's days on earth approached. It's been seven years, but the memories (and emotions) remain as vivid as the day they happened.

The other thing I seem to do every year at this time is...clean.

Don't ask me why I clean. I haven't a clue. Except that women have always cleaned when they didn't know what else to do. We clean when we are hurting..when we're afraid...when we're grieving and when we're angry. We clean when we're excited or "getting ready for something." We clean right before we have babies. And before weddings, funerals, birthdays, holiday celebrations and the arrival of company, delivery persons and cleaning ladies.

Cleaning is therapeutic. It gives us something to do while our minds may be busy elsewhere. And it makes us feel good to get rid of dirt, dust, grime and stuff we don't really need anymore.

Which brings me to the chair.

For quite some time now, I have been aware that my old chair wasn't really doing the job I needed it to do. It only faces one direction when I need it to swivel around so I can see the view outside or the TV or visit with guests. It doesn't recline when I need to put my feet up. It doesn't rock when the child/old person in me wants to sit and rock and ponder life's many twists and turns.

Why do I keep clinging to it? Just because I bought it once and now think I'm stuck with it forever?... Oh, now I remember. It matches the sofa. And it opens up into a single bed. Which I have used twice in the ten years I've had the chair.

But I didn't really know I needed a NEW chair until I saw it in a furniture store I happened to stop at while looking for a basket to replace the dingy old basket I pitched in my fit of cleaning. The chair swiveled. It rocked. It reclined....AND it was the perfect color!

Now, I have no business buying a chair right now. Not long ago, I bought a horse. A chair is NOT in the budget. It doesn't even whinny. But there it was...singing a siren song that life is short and it's time to conquer old sorrows and renew one's commitment to living life to the fullest. Time to have a "comfort spot" where if I AM gonna cry again for crying out loud, at least I can cry in comfort, damn it!

Well. I bought the chair. It's nowhere near as exciting as sitting in my saddle on my horse. But, oh, it's so comfy! A dream chair in every way.

Moving past cleaning, I've rearranged my whole front room, tossed out a couple of old throw pillows and bought a couple new ones to pick up the color in the chair.

Now, I am least for another year.

Maybe next year I'll arrange to travel in September.


  1. Love you Mom!

    Keeks :)

  2. I think you really deserve a soothing and comfy chair! I totally hear you on cleaning! I do it all the time for all of the same situations and I always feel like I can rest easier afterwards.

  3. Aunt Pammy...I just love you so much and want you to know I am thinking of you today and sending you lots of hugs. This must just be in a womans nature to clean.... and to clean out our mind in the process. Love you always <3

  4. The chair is just perfect .... Me ke pumehana aloha especially this month,


  5. Good for you! Everyone needs a comfy chair! I love you:)